This is not a scene report…

I’ve been trying to organize my thoughts on the past weekend at Shadowlane into some semblance of order so that I may share them here with you.  They number too greatly to bundle together into one post, but the thread that connects them all is so intertwined that pulling them carefully apart becomes difficult.  Even that thread is layered, but this post is about what is at the heart of it, what made this amazing weekend possible.  It’s about safety and trust and friendship – even with people you’ve just met or are meeting in the “real world” for the first time.

I like to pretend that nothing scares me.  I’m pretty good at pretending, and most people who know me believe the lie.  My closest friends and family see only the polished exterior, which shrugs off fear and dives head first into the unknown.  Partially because it’s what I show them the most, but also because it’s all they want to see.  There’s a lot that goes on under that shining and resilient armor, though.

In the week or so leading up to Shadowlane, I was a bundle of nerves.  I hadn’t played in three years and there were so many questions I couldn’t answer.  Would my tolerance be the same?  Would I be comfortable playing with people I didn’t know?  And most of all: would opening that door again allow the feelings I’d buried from the last time I’d played to come rushing to the surface, or would it do what I hoped and wash them away for good?

I didn’t have to wait too long to find out, because barely an hour after I’d arrived at the hotel, Indy nudged me over someone’s lap (more or less) to test out the waters.  It only took a moment for the nerves to disappear, for me to remember exactly how right this was, and Mr. Allen gets a lot of credit for that.  He was cognizant of the fact that it had been a while, but he didn’t treat me with kid gloves either.  If he had, I might have believed I’d needed them.

Being a kinky girl who hasn’t played in three years at a spanking party is like being a kid in a candy store.  Once I got that first taste I wanted more (I’m sure that surprises you who were there and witnessed my unending ability to toss myself under buses, even when I wasn’t really trying).  I owe many thanks to the people I played with for helping me pace myself when my natural inclination was to try everything as soon as possible.  Without their level heads I probably would have worn myself out by the second night.

Many more thanks are owed to Mija, Paul, and Indy for opening up their suite and creating such a safe and friendly atmosphere for their friends to congregate and play.  I tried a lot of things I never imagined I would (yes, those will be blog posts too) because I was surrounded by people (Judy, Serenity, Chris, Bronte, Paul, and others who I am probably forgetting to mention here but have certainly not forgotten) who wanted everyone to feel comfortable and made it so.

Packing up my room yesterday I marveled at some of what I had the chance to do.  I’ve been used to packing a whole lot of spanking into a little bit of time before, but I haven’t ended such a weekend feeling as whole and happy as I did this one in quite a while.  It was difficult to realize that the difference was in how safe I felt this weekend, and in realizing that, accepting that I really hadn’t felt safe in such situations for too long.

So, to everyone who threw me under the bus, or was the bus, or watched the bus (or all three, in some cases) a very heartfelt thank you.  Underneath all the fun and games, you helped me get a little piece of myself back.


About Em

A 30-something spanking aficionado and all around good girl :)
This entry was posted in real life, the hidden me and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

15 Responses to This is not a scene report…

  1. firemanchris says:

    I’m very glad you came and had such a good time, and got to reconnect to that part of you. There certainly were a lot of buses zipping around, and you were quite good at both throwing others under as well as diving under yourself. 😉 But all kidding aside, you were great fun to be around and it was easy to see how much at home you felt and how much you were enjoying…well, everything. Definitely hope this is just the first of many parties we see you at.

    • Em says:

      It was so nice to finally meet you and Serenity and put faces to the names. It was even nice(ish) to meet that hairbrush of yours 😉 Having now made it through one party, I can’t believe I waited so long to go. I definitely plan to be there next year, but wish I didn’t have to wait quite so long to see you all again.

  2. Judy says:

    Beautifully put! I’m so glad to have met you again and shared such wonderful experiences this past weekend. Happy you have reconnected with this part of yourself in such a positive way. xx

    • Em says:

      Thanks, Judy. If there hadn’t been any spanking at all I would have been so happy just to spend time with all of you and reconnect. Of course, the other stuff was a rather nice bonus.

  3. Olivia says:

    Lovely post. I’m so glad you had such a great time. It’s so important to reconnect to that part of you – I don’t think I could ever feel whole and happy without it. Really happy for you 🙂


  4. Indy says:

    “…everyone who threw me under the bus, or was the bus, or watched the bus (or all three, in some cases) …”

    Are there people other than me in all three categories? 🙂

    Lovely post, Emma. I’m so glad you had as good a time as your resilient exterior (and posterior!) suggested.

  5. Em says:

    Well, Chris was pretty smug sounding while he read my tweet to you, but since I’d asked someone to read it, I’m not sure that counts as throwing me under the bus. So I guess that leaves you as the only one with that title 😉

  6. I can’t speak for everyone else (though they’d better agree with me), but meeting you was fabulous! I only wish it could have gone on longer and that you felt better, so that I could have spent more time with you. It seems as though every time I saw you, someone was threatening to spank you, was spanking you, or had just spanked you. Poor thing, even Chris couldn’t help himself because you were so lovely.

    Anyway, I hope the stern talking you gave to your stomach is working, and it is behaving itself.


    • Em says:

      It was fabulous meeting you also. I was so looking forward to meeting you and it was every bit as wonderful as I imagined. Though I also wish there had been more time. Maybe I will get out west some time before the next party!

  7. Tony Elka says:

    Having attended 32 of these, I’d say this one had the most positive feelings yet. These parties are as good as their guests, without you, it’s just a building, many thanks.

    • Em says:

      Tony, thanks so much for putting it all together, it really was a great event and the time and effort put into arranging it certainly showed.

  8. Bronte says:

    Em, I was so happy to meet you at Shadow Lane.

    As I told you in Vegas, you are exactly as I had pictured you in my head from our exchanges on Tw. *aside from that one small detail we discussed. 😉

    I hope I also had the presence of mind to tell you how important you were to my grand introductory experience. I’m grateful.

    • Em says:

      I’m so glad you were able to make it and we were finally able to meet. Oh, and you’re welcome of course, for being both your guinea pig (whipping girl?) and for taking your birthday spanking. I’m still not entirely sure how that happened 😉

  9. tim says:

    Em we are all shy at first ,love and spanks,Timxx

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s