I told someone tonight that I wanted a bedtime.  On the heels of a number of nights which were remarkable only for their lack of sleep, I probably even need one.  I can’t turn my brain off, especially now.  It seems the best I can do is distract it until pure exhaustion switches it off.  Maybe a bedtime would help.

Except…  Except, I know me.  I know I wouldn’t take to it easily.  I would struggle against it.  I would push and prod and wheedle and just plain ignore.  And that’s what I need.  More than a bedtime, I need to come up hard against someone who won’t back down even a little.  Someone who will let me fight and bargain and never let me win.

Perhaps I shouldn’t need that, shouldn’t want  to place that little bit of control in someone else’s hands.  It’s about balance, and right now I could use some.  To know at the end of the day that I can cast off all the responsibility that weighs heavily in so many other areas and, just for a moment, forget everything but one simple rule.



About Em

A 30-something spanking aficionado and all around good girl :)
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6 Responses to Bedtime

  1. Kaki says:

    Hi Em, I know what you mean about the bedtime, not that I would admit it out loud in my home. I have enough trouble keeping up with the last bit I said I needed help with. For me it is always, after I read or do one more thing, then I’ll go to bed. But I do sometimes get in trouble for being cranky and I know it is because I am tired. What a dilEMma. 🙂 Well, it almost midnight so off to bed.

  2. the girl says:

    I want to comment on your post but it’s past my bedtime. 😛

  3. Jen says:

    Way back when (okay, eleven years ago), I was sleep deprived to the nth degree, and had been for about twenty years. G. knew this, and after dealing with me for five days at Worldcon where I only got five hours of sleep a night, decided on the last day that I was going to have a bedtime. I totally disagreed with him, but went along with it. I’d screw up occasionally and be punished for it, because he wouldn’t give an inch either, unless I asked permission ahead of time for something special. Eventually I started realizing just how much better things were when I got sleep. No more stupid decisions because of lack of sleep, and I could function much better. After three years I was able to balance the sleep/awake thing on my own, and he said I didn’t need a bedtime anymore. If you’re lucky and do have somebody who won’t budge on it, unless it’s an emergency or you ask permission first, then you should do fine.

  4. Alice says:

    ‘More than a bedtime, I need to come up hard against someone who won’t back down even a little.’
    I can really relate to that. I fight having a bedtime like mad, but feel a little bit lost if it’s not enforced. sigh, when you have it all figured out, please explain it to me.

  5. Em says:

    Kaki, I frequently go through the routine of telling myself “just one more chapter” about a dozen times in a row when I should be going to sleep.

    Girl – touche.

    Jen – Glad it worked so well for you!

    Alice, it sounds like you already have it figured out, whether you want to or not 😉

  6. Indy says:

    Am I wrong to find this post extremely hot? 😉

    For me, the trick is not to bring the computer to bed. I’ll fall asleep reading, but there are countless distractions on the computer…

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