I told someone tonight that I wanted a bedtime. On the heels of a number of nights which were remarkable only for their lack of sleep, I probably even need one. I can’t turn my brain off, especially now. It seems the best I can do is distract it until pure exhaustion switches it off. Maybe a bedtime would help.
Except… Except, I know me. I know I wouldn’t take to it easily. I would struggle against it. I would push and prod and wheedle and just plain ignore. And that’s what I need. More than a bedtime, I need to come up hard against someone who won’t back down even a little. Someone who will let me fight and bargain and never let me win.
Perhaps I shouldn’t need that, shouldn’t want to place that little bit of control in someone else’s hands. It’s about balance, and right now I could use some. To know at the end of the day that I can cast off all the responsibility that weighs heavily in so many other areas and, just for a moment, forget everything but one simple rule.