Bringing the Kink Back to This Kinky Life

To any of you still lurking around and possibly wondering if I have gone completely off the vanilla deep-end, thank you and not entirely. I’ve had the odd inspiration for topic-relevant posts, but each time I sit down to write them, they seem to vanish or come out sounding entirely the opposite of how I wished.

I’d like to say that I see things changing sometime soon, but the reality is that I’m coming into the busy season at work and my time is going to be stretched more thinly, not less. So in an effort to kick-start things here, I’m taking up the 30 weeks of kink challenge. “What’s that?” you’re probably asking. Isn’t that supposed to be 30 days of kink, not weeks?  Well… yes.  But if you’ve been around here for any length of time you realize that I do not post daily.  As much as I’d love to, that just isn’t possible for me, though I am completely in awe of the many bloggers who do so and do it well.  Plus, I am hoping that this may actually inspire some original posts, so I’d like to leave room for them as well.

I’ll be pulling my list of questions from The Girl‘s 30 Days of Kink series, which she got from Rayne.  So join me every Saturday for a new installment!

This week’s question is: Dom, sub, switch?  What parts of BDSM interest you?  Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.

The answer to this question is scattered amongst the posts on this blog, I’m sure, but I’ll try to pull it all together in one neat package for you here.  Firstly, as to my orientation in ttwd, I suppose I would most likely be categorized as a sub or bottom, depending on the situation.  I almost said that there is not a toppy bone in my body but, the truth is, I rather like telling people what to do.  Sometimes I even like for them to listen, though that is mostly reserved for my vanilla life.

I’ve known a number of switches who have wanted me to try out the view from the top, and I probably could, but my heart just isn’t in it.  Being a bottom who is very sensitive to the idea that my partner should be enjoying himself as much or more than I am, topping for the sake of topping would leave me feeling very uncomfortable knowing that I couldn’t put that type of energy into the scene.

That was easy.  Defining “my kinky self?”  Much harder.  First of all, like the rest of myself, it is constantly being refined.  People are not static and I believe it’s foolish to expect our kinky inclinations to be so when the rest of our lives are not.  When I first dove into exploring ttwd, general BDSM sites were a lot more prevelant than those devoted to spanking (or maybe I was just looking in the wrong places), and so that’s where my journey began.  By the time I was old enough (i.e. legal), to begin moving this desire from fantasy to reality, my interests had swung back more heavily into the realm of spanking and C.P.

I have found that spanking is easier to fantasize about when I’m not in a relationship, whereas some of the more specific aspects of BDSM start to sneak up on me when I am.  The only explanation for this that I can find is that it seems I can enjoy the thought of being spanked by a general sort of person, whereas feelings of submission and the exploration of what you might call “darker” or “heavier” fantasies require deep feelings for a particular partner.

If forced to categorize my fantasies, they generally lean toward discipline with a little non-consent thrown in.  Though, again, I hate to pigeonhole myself and they really can run the gamut.  One of the things I love most about the online community we have is that I am constantly reading something I never would have imagined and thinking,  “mmm… that could be fun.”  For example, I spent years avoiding the mention of face-slapping and thinking it could never work for me.  But in recent months, following some really hot descriptions of the activity by the likes of Abel of the Spanking Writers and The Girl, the idea has been slipping into my fantasies, even if I’m not quite sure I’m ready (or ever will be) for the reality.

So, in a nutshell?  I guess I’m saying that I’m open to interpretation and experimentation, and while I love the latter I generally try to avoid the former.

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About Em

A 30-something spanking aficionado and all around good girl :)
This entry was posted in meme, the basics and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Bringing the Kink Back to This Kinky Life

  1. justagirl says:

    –“The only explanation for this that I can find is that it seems I can enjoy the thought of being spanked by a general sort of person, whereas feelings of submission and the exploration of what you might call “darker” or “heavier” fantasies require deep feelings for a particular partner”

    What a great way to put it.

    Oh, and YAY about 30 Weeks (Days) of Kink! Get your kink back on! I have to get back to writing some real kinky posts about real life and then I’ll finish up my thirty day sentence 🙂

  2. scarlet says:

    Great post, Em! I think the section Justagirl wrote about above is the same for me: being submissive requires an enormous amount of trust. I have complete trust in Roman, but I think if I were exploring this outside of my marriage I would have to take some time to get comfortable in the relationship, and it wouldn’t work if there wasn’t desire and at the very least, friendship mixed in.

    Interesting to think about!

  3. Em says:

    Girl – Are these kinky posts going to involve butter, work gloves, and levels? Do tell!

    Scarlet – I completely agree, anything more than playful interactions requires a lot of trust, and ideally a fairly strong and established relationship.

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