…and for all you know
this could be
the difference between what you need
and what you wanna be…
Maybe you’ve noticed by now that I love to be spanked. Thinking back, my earliest childhood memories revolve around fantasizing about getting spanked. Since those early days spanking has been a consistent part of my life in one way or another. When I was 14 and learned that there was a whole world of people out there who shared my kink I knew that I would never live a life without spanking. What I’m trying to say is being spanked isn’t just something I do, it’s something I am. I have brown hair, green eyes, and I need to be spanked, it’s that simple.
The thing is, I embraced (for the most part) my desires so young that I sort of expected I’d have it all figured out by now. And I do have a lot figured out. Over the years my kinky interests have been refined and mellowed. I know what I like. I know what I don’t like but am willing to do for the right person. I know what absolutely, positively, is not acceptable. And I know what I’d like to try in the future – my kinky wish list, I guess you could call it.
What I sometimes forget is how much I need this. Last year I ended a wonderful relationship to a man who could not understand this thing we do. If I had stayed that course I know my life would be different now. I’d be married, I’d be thinking of starting a family, I would be very happy in many ways. And I would be missing one very important thing – being spanked. At the time the choice was easy. Since then? We’ll there’s been this niggling doubt – could I live without this? Along with that doubt came resentment. I resented my kink for making me choose between it and a life that otherwise would have made me very happy. I resented it for winning at the cost of stability and family. So I tucked it away in a small corner of my mind and tried to forget that I go crazy without it.
Of course it didn’t last. I could give up air more easily than spanking. And so it’s back. And with it, the realization I thought I had embraced so many years ago. This is what I need. This is who I want to be. Sixteen years ago I dove headfirst into a life full of happy kinky things. This year I’m diving back in to those familiar waters with renewed dedication.